Pen Name or Anonymous: anonymous
Age & Location: 35, Oregon, USA

For a long time in my teens and early 20s, it felt like I was just burning time. I barely got out of high school (it didn’t go great). After that, I went into something structured because I didn’t really have a better idea. I thought maybe if I followed a set path, things would click, but they didn’t. I felt out of place the whole time and honestly kind of miserable.

I decided, kind of randomly, to try school again. I tried through community college, picked something hard, and immediately struggled. Failed classes. Retook some. Failed again. It was embarrassing to watch people younger than me move ahead while I stayed in the same spot, and it messed with my head.

I wasn’t doing great outside of school either. I drank more than I should have, and some days I barely showed up. I didn’t have healthy ways of dealing with stuff back then, and I don’t really want to pretend I did. I just kept going in small, uneven ways. I learned how to actually study and I got used to being uncomfortable, even when I hated it.

I’m older now than I ever thought I’d be when things finally started making sense. I finished a grad degree and have a job I’m proud of. I still feel like I don’t belong sometimes, but it doesn’t stop me the way it used to.

If you are in a similar situation:

If you feel like you’re already messing things up, I wish I could tell you this straight: you’re not out of time and struggling doesn’t mean you’re broken. It usually just means you’re still figuring it out. Keep showing up, even badly. That counts more than you think.

A story about struggling early, trying again, and not giving up even when things become messy.