Some stories are about survival before they are about growth. This one captures what it is like to live in a household that feels like a battleground, where even good grades cannot hide the weight of exhaustion. The writer shares the shift from running on autopilot to slowly building a new version of themselves — one that chooses change, even in small ways, and honors who they used to be.

Pen Name or Anonymous: Anonymous
Age & Location: 16, Los Angeles, CA

Growing up in an unstable household felt like a constant battle of walking on eggshells. With two parents, one excessively controlling, and the second physically present but not emotionally, I’ve lived through life only knowing the maximums of everything. This constant need to try to survive, rather than live, made my high school years terrible.

I hardly found motivation to complete the work due, but I had to push myself or else the battleground I called home would only grow more fierce. Achieving straight A’s despite this struggle masked my daily troubles with anyone I talked to. Many people often invalidated my feelings, saying that whatever I do always comes out to be okay. But behind those marks were countless nights of finishing tear-stained homework and nights full of prayers wishing that I wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

This lifestyle continued for the early years of my adolescence to the point it became normal. Waking up and seeing the popcorn ceiling of my bedroom, I accepted defeat and forcefully continued with my brain. Many people tend to call this “living on autopilot”, and I say it’s the absolute worse. Even so, I knew this life was not for me.

While it is silly to admit, I took some advice I saw from TikTok- avoid listening to sad artists, begin journaling, and fight your way out of the hole you’re currently stuck in. I would say the most impactful quote I heard was that only you can save yourself. While you may have a support system to help you break out of unhealthy habits, it is ultimately your decision to change your daily life.

While I am unable to change the current situation of my household, I found ways to make life a little less unbearable. I cut off toxic friends that only made me feel worse, decided to find peace in being alone rather than dreading it, and made the effort to become a new person.

I hated everything about my early adolescence, and as I reached an age where I’ll soon become a legal adult, I want to leave behind everything about that version of me. Yet I also want to remember her. Her constant battle of trying her best at that time despite her constant urge to quit.

This newfound version that I’m currently creating is a side of me I wished I’ve always been. But I am all the years that I have experienced. Instead of shaming the girl I used to be, I want to make younger me proud by showing that it IS possible to change your everyday experiences- no matter how small it may seem.